Not even for you

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot ( wine) to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.

So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.' And indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.

The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.


The note read:

'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants'.

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own.

He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.


It read:

'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen, Miami, and San Francisco, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Texas . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches.

Just send the bottle back.'

Talented Dog

A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse and decide to play a round of golf. The man has a little dog with him, and on the first green, when he sinks a 20-foot putt, the little dog starts to yip, stands up on its hind legs and walks around in circles.

Amazed, the friend says, "Wow, that dog is really talented! What does he do if you miss a putt?"

"Somersaults," the man says.

"Somersaults!" the friend exclaims.

"That’s incredible. How many does he do?"

"It all depends on how hard I kick him."

24 Hours to Live

A man went to the doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He went home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him because he only had 24 hours to live.

"Of course Darling." she replied. And so they had sex.

Four hours later they were lying in bed and he turned to her again, and asked, "You know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do it again?"

Again she responded very sympathetically and agreed to have sex. Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion, he tapped her on the shoulder, and asked her again, "You know dear, I only have 12 more hours left, how about we do it again for old times sake?"

By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees. After they finish she went back to sleep and 4 hours later, he tapped her on the shoulder again and asked, "Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it one more time?"

Well, she turned to him with a grimace on her face and said, "You know, YOU don't have to get up in the morning, but I do!!!"

Governance System

As a daily habit, the 10-year Old Pintu was reading newspaper.
Suddenly he asked his father, " Dad! What does it mean by 'Governance
System’? "
"Its Like........" father said while thinking, "See! I earn and bring money
to home, mean's I am a 'Money Holder'. Your mother decides where and
how to spend that money and that means she is 'Government'. That maid
in our home is doing all the household works, so she is like 'Labor
Class'. You are a 'Common man' or 'Public'. Your kid brother is
'Future' or the 'Next Generation'. understand ?".

That day Pintu slept with all those thoughts. In the middle of the
night he woke-up because his kid brother was crying as he wetted the
mattress. Pintu went to wake-up his mother. She was in
deep sleep so Pintu went to the Maid's room to wake her up. But there
his father was sleeping with the maid. So he came back with
frustration.

Next morning father asked Pintu, “Hi Pintu! Did You understood
the 'Governance System'? ".

Pintu replied, “Yeah Dad, I understood! When money Holder is
exploiting Labor Class, our Government is sleeping. Future of our
nation is crying for not getting their basic needs fulfilled and in
all this Common Man is suffering!"

The Manager

One day a Lion was sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"

Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"

Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more"

Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"

Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.

Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"

Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"

Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV"

Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"

The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Inside the Cave:

In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.

Moral :


IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS, LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.


IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

A Man's Life Explained

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed......


On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."


The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God agreed......


On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again.......


On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.

I really mean it..................

There have been many, many times when I may have

disturbed you

troubled you

pestered you

irritated you

bugged you

But today I just wanna tell you ...

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I PLAN TO CONTINUE!!!!!!!