Crab Dates Lobster

A crab and a lobster are secretly dating.

Pretty soon, the lobster tires of the lying and tells her father, who then forbids her to see the crab anymore.

"It'll never work, honey." he says to her. "Crabs walk side- ways and we walk straight."

"Please," she begs her father. "Just meet him once. I know you'll like him."

Her father finally relents and agrees to a one-time meeting, and she

runs off to share the good news with her crab sweetie.

The crab is so excited he decides to surprise his beloveds family.

He practices and practices until he can finally walk straight!

On the BIG day, he walks the entire way to the lobster's house as straight as he can.

Standing on the porch, and seeing the crab walking towards him, the lobster dad yells to his daughter....

"I knew it! Here comes that crab and he's really drunk!"

Labor Pain.

A married couple went to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters,
explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However as the labor progressed, the husband felt

fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The Husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain !!

She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got in the car to get home,

they found the DRIVER dead in the car !!

How To Sanitize Your Hard Disk?

Some people say with the click of delete button your hard disk gets sanitize. However, do yourself think so … well then check the recycle bin and see the list of deleted items, which you have removed and can b e recovered as well. For secure deletion of data, it is necessary to sanitize the hard disk with the help of a professional. But if you want to do it your self then buy the right hard disk erasure software. There are many companies these days offering with Free Hard Drive Eraser Software. This was in general we have talked about.

Well if you are a customer care company, then it becomes necessary to keep the confidential data about the clients, like credit card numbers, customer’s information, important policies completely secured. If you go on for a hard drive erasure, then you need to use multi pass scrubbing technique.

Beside this, there are three other ways of sanitizing the hard disk:

i) Physical destruction

ii) Overwriting the disk's data

iii) Degaussing

Some people prefer physical destruction of disk. This includes smelting and pulverizing of disk. If you think that this is an expensive method, well then overwrite the disk data using hard disk shredder. This is the proper and an economical way of secure data removal.

These all methods are suggested to those who want to sell their old hard disk, junk it or junk it then using the above methods is important. However, if you want to use the same hard disk then simple basic sanitizing is more than enough. In this you need to delete all the unwanted data, unused programs and reformat the disk completely.

Hot-Wax Mask Wipes Years Off Your Face

Hot-wax mask 'that wipes years off your face' is the latest A-list craze

London, Nov 20 (ANI): A hot-wax mask is nowadays the latest rage in skin care - the paraffin wax facial is a thermal mask billed as the quickest way to a "non-surgical face lift".

Celebrity facial Emma Hardie came up with the idea of the mask, which is painted on to the skin and then kept warm under infrared light, after an hour's intensive massage.

During the massage, she uses moisturizing oils and massage to stimulate the skin cells and a 'deep-tissue' kneading technique to give softer, plumper skin. And then comes the mask, which helps the skin to absorb the moisturizing oils and soothes and relaxes the facial muscles to help release tension and leave the skin bright and glowing.

The treatment, which costs 160 pounds, is the quickest route to a non-surgical face lift and promises "instant and noticeable results after one session."

Sophie Dahl, Denise Van Outen and Anjelica Huston are amongst few of her celeb customers.

"This facial is a wonderful treat for a cold, winter's evening and the warm wax helps you feel like you're in the Tropics. The massage and wax helps to boost circulation in the skin and helps to relax the facial muscles," The Daily Mail quoted Hardie as saying.

She also claims that the treatment can help with migraine relief, sinus problems, head, neck and shoulder tension, depression, menopause, grief and insomnia.

"Wax is very softening and it's very good as a skin treatment.We use it a lot on dry hands and chapped skin. It helps to oxygenate and detoxify the skin," she said.

Alice Hart-Davis, a beauty journalist, said that wax was widely recognized for its skin-softening effects in the beauty world.

"It is usually used in manicures and pedicures, but there's no denying that it could also work very well as part of a facial," she said. (ANI)

Google's Online Book to Demystify The Web

LONDON (IANS): Google has published an online book on "things you've always wanted to know about the web and browsers but may have been afraid to ask", a posting on the company blog said.

The search engine has commemorated the 20th anniversary of a paper crucial to the Web's development by producing the book.

Writing on Google Blog, Chrome Product Marketing Manager Min Li Chan explained that the book aimed to answer basic questions, the Telegraph reported.

"How do browsers and the Web actually work? What is HTML5 - or HTML , for that matter? What do terms like 'cookies' or 'cloud computing' even mean?" he wrote.

More practically, how can we keep ourselves safe from security threats like viruses when we're online?

"To help answer these questions, we collaborated with the wonderful illustrator Christoph Niemann to publish an online guidebook called "20 Things I Learned about Browsers and the Web."

"This handy guide is for those of us who'd like to better understand the technologies we use every day."

The book uses HTML5, the latest Web language, and can be downloaded.

"We built '20 Things' in HTML5 so that we could incorporate features that hearken back to what we love about books - feeling the heft of a book's cover, flipping a page or even reading under the covers with a flashlight," Min wrote.

How to Clean Your Laptop

Is it possible to recharge alkaline batteries like Duracell and Energizer by using some special methods?

There are battery chargers in the market that claim to recharge alkaline batteries, but you should be wary of their claims. These batteries are not designed to be recharged and the manufacturers state this very clearly on the side of each battery.

Which it may technically be possible to recharge an alkaline with a trickle current, in reality, it can be quite dangerous. Apart from unstable behavior, an alkaline battery can heat up, leak, burst or even explode, causing serious injury. This happens mainly due to heat build up while charging and is also the reason why you should never throw batteries in a fire.

Is it advisable to remove each key and clean it, like a desktop keyboard when the dust gets trapped in between the keys?

Laptop keyboards are built differently as compared to standalone keyboards used with desktop PCs. Trying to remove each key to clean under it will most likely render the keyboard useless, as doing so will break the delicate plastic bits that hold the keys in place.

To clean it, use a narrow brush with soft bristles to dislodge any stubborn dirt and use a blower (or reverse mode in a vacuum cleaner) to blow it out. You can also use a commercially-available cleaner called Cyber Clean, which is designed to remove dirt and disinfect electronics.

Cyber Clean is like soft putty that you can squeeze in between the keys; all the debris will stick to it and it pulls out without leaving any residue. It can be reused a few times before the effectiveness wears out. You should be able to get it at any good stationary store.

Thanks to All

To all my friend who remember and greeted me yesterday, thank you very much.

5 questions for your man

Whether you're a successful professional or a homemaker, you always have questions that eternally mind boggle you, queries that the opposite sex can shed light on. Your wish is our demand, so we sat down 4 men and got them to actually answer our questions.

We have Sumanto Chattopadhyay - the Executive Creative Director of O & M, Vikram Bawa - an ace fashion and landscape photographer, Osh Bhabani the owner of the hip salon B:Blunt and Karsten Miranda whose currently a BMM student at St. Xavier's College. Karsten was also part of the Organising Committee of Malhar 2008.
Here's what they had to say

Whether it's family or work, why are women expected to make adjustments?

Sumanto Chattopadhyay: It doesn't have to be that way anymore. If you're financially independent, you can give him a copy of your own new-age rule book. And if that doesn't work, give him the boot!

Vikram Bawa: Traditionally men have been the bread-winners of the family. It's perceived that while men earn for the house, women take care of it.

Osh Bhabani: I am somebody brought up by women and they have made adjustments. But, I don't think it's necessary anymore-both men and women have to compromise.

Are women, unlike men, incapable of physical intimacy without an emotional attachment?

Vikram: Yes, I agree. For a man, physical independence is something coming from the animal era? where physical 'infidelity' is seen as a need or release of sexual energy, or sense of power. It is not necessarily connected with love. For men, love is about being emotionally attached, but not necessarily physically bound.

Sumanto: (cheekily) Most men having affairs aren't having them with single women, so clearly there are women having affairs too!

Karsten Miranda: A section of the male fraternity thinks bedding a woman as a conquest. Fidelity in a relationship cannot have two masters. Any man who feels he can compartmentalise emotions as per 'activity' in a relationship finds himself lonely.

What does 'commitment' mean to a man?

Osh: (smiling) Men generally feel they have to compromise all aspects of their life in order to be in a serious relationship. Jokes apart, commitment means complete dedication to your partner.

Vikram: Commitment does not come easy, but when it does come to a man, it would mean that he has agreed to 'take care' of the woman he loves in entirety.

Karsten: We, men, need space-do our own thing, whether it is going out with the boys or cultivate a hobby.

Can a man and woman be 'just good friends'?

Osh: Yes of course they can. Sex does not have to come in the way of everything.

Sumanto: A man and woman can enjoy a sweet, piquant relationship; a friendship with extra tenderness that comes from this bit of physical attraction. It can go on beautifully as long as both know in their hearts that taking it to another level might lead to fireworks.

Vikram: It is very difficult for a man and a woman to be just good friends. There will always be sexual undertones.

Are men and women really 'equal'? Is it true that the woman a man dates is usually different from the one he chooses to marry?

Osh: I don't think men and women are treated equally in India. And dating is a way of finding a type of person you would like to be with, the last person you date is the person you end up with.

Vikram: In today's world, men and women both will date someone more powerful than themselves, but will choose to dump them instead of marrying them.

Sumanto: Even among friends of the same gender, you usually find one who is dominant. It's human nature. And, in traditional couples, men have been the dominant ones. In the new era, it can work the other way too; a dominant career woman with an adjusting husband. But if both are the dominant alpha type, then God help the relationship!

How to Handle Problems Coming your Way

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Dachshund dog along for company.

One day, the Dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the Dachshund discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The Dachshund thinks, "I'm in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the Dachshund exclaims loudly, Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here."

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That Dachshund! Nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the Dachshund sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine.

Now the Dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... and just when they get close enough to hear, the Dachshund says,

Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."


Moral: It doesn't matter what cards you hold but how you play them!!

Why Sleep on a Round Mattress?

A round mattress, like any other mattress, is just another way to get a good night sleep, isn't it? Or is a round mattress more? Is a round mattress in some way even better? The ancient Greek Philosopher Plato, might have said, "Sleeping on a round mattress would be the ideal mattress." Certainly Buckminster Fuller, the inventor of the Geodesic Sphere would have preferred a round mattress to the conventional square. In fact, what better addition to a round house, than a round mattress?

A square mattress just wouldn't fit in a round house. But why round? What makes the circle so much more important to a philosopher, or a scientist? In one word; space… According to Plato, who was well versed in geometry, the sphere is the ideal structure of the universe. While Buckminster Fuller enjoyed the sphere's philosophical nature, he preferred to see it practically. Between the sphere and the tetrahedron, it is the sphere that occupies the smallest surface area in total, while containing the largest internal area, than any other solid. While the opposite is true for the tetrahedron, the same concept is used in analyzing the area of the circle and triangle. Geometrically, ROUND is bigger on the inside, and smaller on the outside. Paradoxal, but true; even if two triangles are fit together to make a square; the circle still has more space inside it.

To the sleeper, space is one of the most important characteristics of comfort, because it means having the freedom to move the body to its most preferred position, and still staying within the relaxing support zone of the bed. Space, is more than comfort, space is freedom. Not just freedom of movement for one single person, round mattresses, can be made to accommodate, couples as well.

The comfort zone however, for some, can be different, than for others. One of the nicest features of the round mattress is it's adaptability to individual needs. As there is a larger inner special area than in the conventional square or rectangular mattresses, the circle allows customized split mattresses to be far roomier than traditional split mattresses. So that if of the two people sleeping in the bed, one needs a totally different kind of mattress than the other, a split round mattress can provide the ideal mattress sleep requirements for both.

If a sleeper is to feel relaxed on a mattress, it is important that the mattress is one which abides to their sense of aesthetics. Many people prefer round mattresses, merely because of their aesthetic nature. Round mattresses just seem to be more pleasing to the human eye. To this, Plato would most agree. As the circle invoked in him such a spiritual side, that just isn't the case with most people. Most people just think it is a nice looking mattress, something different, something unique, to give life a little bit of taste. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so no really logical conclusion can be made as to why people seem to think a round mattress is aesthetic, the important thing is that the person feels better sleeping on it rather than a traditional one, the point is relaxation.

A round mattress is more spacious and offers more freedom of movement. Due to its unique design, its round nature, it becomes far more adaptable to individual needs as soft as a cloud to as firm as a mountain. You will feel like you are floating on the surface of a timid blue lake. You will relax.

Google Bars Data From Facebook as Rivalry Heats up

SAN FRANCISCO: Google Inc will begin blocking Facebook and other Web services from accessing its users' information , highlighting an intensifying rivalry between the two Internet giants.

Google will no longer let other services automatically import its users' email contact data for their own purposes, unless the information flows both ways. It accused Facebook in particular of siphoning up Google contact data, without allowing for the automatic import and export of Facebook users' information.

Facebook, with more than 500 million users, relies on email services such as Google's Gmail to help new users find friends already on the network. When a person joins, they are asked to import their Gmail contact list into the social network service. Facebook then tells the user which email contacts are also on the social network.

In a statement, Google said websites such as Facebook "leave users in a data dead end." Facebook did not immediately provide a comment on Friday.

While Google framed the move as an attempt to protect its users' ability to retain control of their personal data on the Internet, analysts said the move underscored the battle between Google, the world's largest search engine, and Facebook, the dominant Internet social network.

"The fundamental power dynamic on the Web today is this emerging conflict between Facebook and Google," said Gartner analyst Ray Valdes. "Google needs to evolve to become a big player in the social Web and it hasn't been able to do that."

"If people do search within Facebook, if they do email within Facebook, if they do instant messaging within Facebook, all of these will chip away at Google's properties."

RECIPROCITY

Google said that while it makes it easy for other Web services to automatically import a user's contact data, Facebook was not reciprocating.

"We have decided to change our approach slightly to reflect the fact that users often aren't aware that once they have imported their contacts into sites like Facebook, they are effectively trapped," Google said in an emailed statement.

"We will no longer allow websites to automate the import of users' Google Contacts (via our API) unless they allow similar export to other sites," Google said.

Not even for you

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot ( wine) to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.

So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.' And indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.

The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.


The note read:

'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants'.

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own.

He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.


It read:

'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen, Miami, and San Francisco, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Texas . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches.

Just send the bottle back.'

Yahoo buys Dapper

SAN FRANCISCO: Yahoo is trying to spruce up its online advertising service by buying a startup called Dapper.

Dapper, started four years ago, offers tools that help advertisers create Internet campaigns that connect with the people most likely to be interested in their products or services. Like many other Internet companies, Yahoo Inc has been trying to target Internet ads by keeping tabs on what types of material individuals tend to click on.

Yahoo needs every competitive edge it can get these days. The company's financial performance has disappointed investors for years. The challenges are mounting as advertisers shift more of their budgets into Google and more fashionable online hangouts such as Facebook.

Financial terms of the deal weren't disclosed. The Dapper acquisition is expected to close before the year ends.